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	Wisdumb
	The Wet Mop of Victory (03-05-05) We followed our better judgment and went to bed early, without a belly full of beer. The wind was cold and howling out of the NW. The next morning we were sitting in my driveway freezing our arses, waiting for Craig's friend Jay to show up with the boat. He just got a new sling to put the boat in the water with a crane so this was a good test run. Jay shows up still enjoying breakfast; cigarette and a beer. Apparently, it is ON. Driving up, we caught our first glimpse of the ocean and it was white capped froth on top of some sort of decent swell. We were pumped up nonetheless, but smart enough to scrap the thing if it looked too dangerous. We decided it would be a job well done if we simply lifted the boat up to test the straps for next time. We pass El Capitan (flat as usual) and get to Gaviota where we are greeted by light offshore winds, sun and small surf. There are only 4 other boat trailers in the lot so we are looking good. We have to use a car jack to get the trailer off the ball hitch because the wheel busted. We pull the whole thing out to the crane and spy some whales cruising by. Very nice. The new crane is still located back from the end of the pier so you set the boat down in the swell and hope for the best. The crane gets caught and makes a horrible noise as the boat hits the water. Jay gets in and finally gets the hook detached and he is out of there. We take the trailer back and then he comes around and picks us up. We blaze up the coast and notice some nice ones pouring through at Zoomers. Across the channel, we can see pretty big sets at Razors with a stiff, 20-25kt side offshore breeze and 6 guys out. We zip up to Drakes and it looks like junk so we do the right thing and hit razors. Razors is a funny wave in that it looks like a big mushburger with a medium tube. It is totally deceptive in that it is mushy like Sunset is mushy, and will break your board and send you spinning like nothing. The idea is to drive down the line as fast as you can and look for the big barrel section at the end. This is about as fast as you will ever go on a sponge. I drive through a critical section and do a cut back using only the inside corner of my board and try to spray Craig on the shoulder. It is hard to tell how big it is but we will call it double-overhead on sets. Sunny, cold and windy. The rides are over 100 meters at full tilt. We are having a blast and completely OWNING it out there, but Jay is undergunned and is missing waves. After a few hours, we head back to the pier, like villains. When Craig and I go back and get the trailer, we notice that we broke the seal on the tire of the trolley and have to drag this thing down the pier with one tire dangling on the rim. Back in the parking lot, we are busy high-fivin' when these Korean fishermen come up and ask for a jump start to their van. We have already hooked up the boat and will need to get it close to their dead van. Unfortunately, there is a large section of the lot with 6 inches of mud and a big pile. Trucks and trailers are parked helter skelter so Jay tries to thread the needle and drive through the mud, between a truck and the dirt pile. Needless to say, he gets hopelessly stuck, tires spinning, smoking and spackling the boat and everything else with mud. He is hearing no logic and I ask Craig to try to get through to him. We plead for sanity and he complains that we are stopping the only fun he has had all day. We get the Koreans to help us push and I can't stop laughing to get a decent picture. We finally convince Jay to let us unhitch the boat and we get out and get the van started. That night, we take a nap and go out to hit the town. I toss and turn for 30 minutes and we are golden. After a bunch of buffoonery, we finally get to bed around 3AM. At 6 AM, Jay calls to tell us he is about 30 minutes from my house. It felt like dumping a cooler full of ice water in a warm bed. We rally some how and we are back. This time, Jay's friend Kevin is joining us. He is in the coast guard and so I have this feeling of security, I guess. This time, since no one is watching, we lower the boat with Jay in it and it goes pretty smoothly. We blaze up to Lefts and Rights and decide to go back to Razors because we saw a bit of whitewash. Turns out this is a great idea, since there is this little peak breaking at the top of the point that is empty. We end up surfing for about 4.5 hours. Sunny, offshore, empty and about 3-8'. We backdoor this jagged rock and surf down the edge of the bone yard for about 10-30 meters. It was a high stakes barrel ride that was short and sweet. Occasionally a big one would break outside and we would get a longer ride. A single wave that is the first wave of the new swell slamming the next day, breaks on our heads and sends us cartwheeling underwater. I am pissed that I missed it but remind myself that I am mid-score so shut the hell up. There was one lull of about 3 minutes. Other than that, it was non-stop surf. Jay got the award for best barrel, Craig, longest ride, Kevin, most brutal smack down and I settle for "Lifetime Achievement". Since I am a Dr Brokenman and not energy-boy like I used to be, I decide that my 40-50 or so waves are sufficient and paddle to the boat. Ten minutes later, the waves stop completely. We get back to the pier and take a pause to strategize our stylish dismount off the boat and onto the landing. If you have ever been to a lake on a boat, you pull up to the dock, tie off and step leisurely off, with your cooler full of empty beer bottles and some yummie carp. I mention the beer because you can easily, within reason, do it drunk and remain dry, fearing no fish. At the other end of the spectrum is the Gaviota pier experience. I have my backpack on, which contains the keys, my camera and my cell phone. Kevin jumps first as the boat goes up, down, in and out with the swell and comes close enough to jump only for an instant. He slips on the moss covered bumper but grabs the railing. A seven (7). Craig handles it no problem. An eight point five (8.5). A good score; tough to beat and currently the front runner. In a feeble effort to aid the mariner, the county has hung these thick ropes that you can some how grab to assist you. Jay is having trouble getting the boat close enough so Kevin tries swinging one of the ropes to me. It falls short because 3 feet of it is below the water. He drags it out and throws the whole mess. I think "OOOHHH NOOOO!" and catch it about 2 feet up from the end while the rest swings around and slaps across my face like the end of a wet, dirty mop after cleaning a bar floor after a hillbilly convention. I pull the boat closer and step off with ease, dripping with mud, moss, bugs, plankton, and cold salt water. A perfect ten (10)!!! The dirty crowd of fishermen stares blankly, unable to grasp the difficulty of my moves. One of my fantasies is to be an extra in a Three Stooges food fight, so a face full of muck is sort of worth it. We hook the boat up to the truck and notice that the truck tire is half flat. Or is it half inflated? We head back on the good half, nodding confidently. more stories >>