Toobs.com

	Wisdumb
	A three hour tour in two parts (7-24-03) This boat ride occurred in two parts. I will start with part one. A while ago, I am lying there staring at the ceiling wondering what adventure, paradigm or conundrum was in store for me this morning. The phone rings and it is my friend Dave R. Dave asks me, thoughtfully, if I would like to go to The Ranch with him et al. I thought, that's odd, Craig the boat owner is out of town so how are we going to get up there? He tells me that Craig said we could use his boat. I said that didn't sound like something Craig would say but decided to let it slide based upon Dave's reassurances. The boat is about 14' "Bell Boy", fiberglass with a 40 hp outboard and zero (0) frills. It works just fine for what we need to do. Besides, we're not a bunch of shiny so-cal, shaved-chested-nancy-boys showing off for the groms at a photo shoot. We are there to surf. And it doesn't matter how we get there, just as long as we can score, make it back, and perform our gloating victory dance in our knickers while some sucker reluctantly listens and cusses at our good fortune. So we dump the boat in the water off the pier and start motoring up. The conditions were epic, sun and no wind or chop. I don't even remember if there were waves because as soon as we got between Razors and Big Drakes, our engine craps out. Sometimes this happens when you hit some kelp and the prop gets caught. Then you just put it in reverse for a few squirts of gas and you are golden. No kelp. So we pull the cord. We pull that thing so many times I don't even care. It is not starting. We carefully pull off the engine cover, trying not to drop any thing, like the engine, in the water. To the severely untrained eye, everything looks fine. One thing I notice is that a small rubber hose has come off of something. We put it back on and try again with no luck. Amazingly, we are in no immediate danger. There is no wind, we can anchor if we need to and walk back (4 miles). So we start rowing. There are four of us so we take turns. We get not very far and then try the radio. Luckily we reach a fishing boat and he says that he will tow us back to the pier when he is done catching crab or whatever. Cool. We get towed finally back to the pier and leave with our tails between our legs. We got off easy compared to stories I have heard about others losing engine power. Usually, the wind starts cranking in the afternoon and blows straight offshore. If your engine dies, you can too. One guy told me they spent two (2) nights in the channel in their wetsuits. Another guy's boat washed up on Santa Rosa Island with no castaway. The lesson is, if you are in a bind, drop anchor fast. If that doesn't work, ditch the boat and swim. So we put the boat back in the yard and hide because we don't want to be around when Craig figures out the boat thing. Craig gets the story, delivers Dave a heaping scoop of poop with sprinkles and discovers that the tube I spotted was the source of the problem. It is the cooling water tube and when unhooked, filled the engine compartment with water which killed the engine. He sprayed some WD-40 in and it started right up. Later, I amazingly was offered a chance to go on the boat again. Dave was still in the dog house but I had an excuse. So we get to the pier and we know it is going to be good. The wind is offshore, the swell is here, and the air is thick with salt and hype. I am working the crane, and Craig is down below. Some jack ass drinking a cheap beer (7:45 AM) starts giving me unwanted advice on the crane procedure. I don't mean to sound like an elitist snob but the crane is my task, always, and I got it handled. So beat it, slush fund. The boat is in the water, still hooked and Craig yanks the cord to start it. The cord snaps. "Bring it up." Just like that. We have the boat on the pier and are staring/glaring at the frayed cord caused by hundreds of pulls from the last trip... Clearly, we are beat and I am trying to turn invisible since I don't want to be associated with this buffoonery. Suddenly, we hear another boat engine roaring and then BOOM, and the whole pier rocks back and forth. We run over to the edge and the 'helpful crane expert' and his buddy have just run into the pier full bore. The one guy is leaning over the bow surveying for damage. He yells back that it looks OK and team Budweiser says OK and floors it again. All the dive gear and air tanks go flying back, crashing to the back of the boat and they set off to die or something. I suppose we got the last laugh even though they didn't laugh at us, but I figured this sort of thing was supposed to be sweeter. It seems that someone with the right amount of moxie would find a nice topic for a humorous short film devoted solely to the act of launching and landing boats at Gaviota. And professional boaters such as team Budweiser and ourselves will work hard to ensure there is no shortage of material. more stories >>