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	Wisdumb
	Bali '99 - Human Cheese Grater (2-6-02) We (Dave Duffy, Ron McAddams and Glenn Policare) got up at dark again and hailed a bemo for our unnecessary ritual of dawn patrol out to Ulu Watu or Padang Padang. We were always the first in the water, if you don't count the tiger sharks and whatever other monsters were down below wrapping up a nights worth of feeding. This particular morning was cranking. The line-up was empty as all the surfers staying in the bungalow on the sand (R.I.P) were still shaking off the effects of an evening with the native liquor 'arak'. As is the case with all but 1 or 2 times I have been to Padang Padang, heretofore referred to as (PP) for ease in typing, things didn't look quite right. The wave looks great in still shots but in real life was 90% unmakeable today. The waves start out all pretty and stuff and pinch shut at the end. It is about 3-5' HI-size. I chose not to risk making my wrecked, but healing, back any worse so I opt to take pictures of Dave and Ron, the organ-donors. Ron is a big fan of big death barrels, of any quality. I come from the school of thought that if I want closeouts, I can simply travel to the famously walled beach break of Manhattan Beach and check into the Mom Hilton, instead of traveling 12,000 miles at great expense. Since I was a wee tot, I have enjoyed big waves crashing at sea or through houses placed too close to the ocean. From the beach at PP, I can see Outside Corners at Ulu's heaving. I grab our driver and get a ride up for some spectator sport action. It is pushing 10-15' faces and kinda gnarly. No one is out, the tide is high and the waves are sloshing around in the cave. Just when I think I have seen enough, 4 'kids' looking fresh off the plane start bouncing down the trail to the cave. I take note of their boards, which appear to be 6'6"s at most. They didn't even look at it. This should be good, I thought. At high tide, the water inshore by the cliffs is like a river when it is big. You paddle out through a crack in the cliff with razor sharp walls into the tempest. When I did it the first time, it was pretty big, but due to the angle, you can't see when the sets are coming. So you get around the corner and get the sticker shock. The 4 make it out and here comes a set. From the top of the cliff it doesn't look that bad. One guy paddles his little board, goes nowhere, and gets sucked over the falls. First wave, first board broken. Another guy gets pitched and pounded. Good stuff. Under normal, out of control conditions like this, getting in the cave is a 110% concentrated, premeditated event. If you miss it, you get swept down the reef where you get to paddle out to sea and up the point for another shot. Or give up and get swept to PP. The guy with the broken board paddles his ½ board and misses the cave. Instead of going for a lap, he climbs up on a rock shelf at the base of the cliff to 'safety'. Now, the rock in Bali is so sharp it defies geological weathering. Formed of lava with lots of bubbles, it actually gets sharper as it weathers. You can barely touch it without getting a scratch or a cut. The effect is worse if your skin is waterlogged from sitting in the ocean getting drilled by sets. So I am leaning over the edge of the 200-foot vertical cliff to watch this drama unfold. The guy gets up on the ledge but before he can turn around a small wave sloshes up and knocks him forward right onto the cheese grating rocks. He has some swim trunks to protect 10% of him. The guy is surely alive but surely cut to ribbons. There is absolutely nothing I can do so I leave. In order to make life interesting, some people take risks. Choose your risks wisely. more stories >>