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Wisdumb |
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Something In My Mind (11-1-01)
About a month ago I fulfilled a life goal of surfing a particular wedging beach break on a military base an hour south of here. Security was tight, but I had an angle. It didn't look that big or anything but the waves would come in sideways and bowl incredibly. It was about 1-5 feet on the face. The waves would come out of deep water, nearly invisible, double in size and unload on the sandy bottom very near the beach and breakwater. A 3 foot wave can destroy you. My second wave rolled me pretty good. I knew it was shallow so I put my hands out and stopped my face from hitting the sand by about 4 inches. This is par for the course. In the process, water flooded my sinuses as I bounced around in the mud and froth. Or so I thought. I blew my nose to get the water out and it felt like a big booger was hanging out that wouldn't quit. I thought "wow, super-booger..." and grabbed it as a feeble attempt at personal hygiene. I pulled and felt something sliding deep in my head. It broke off and I looked in my hand and there was 2.5 inches of some grey-red 'thing'. At first I thought it was a bloody snot.
Then I thought it was something from my Bali trip weeks earlier that got knocked loose from the dirty socal water. Then I started to panic. It was like biting into an apple and seeing half a worm. Now I was that apple. I blew more and pulled out another 2" long piece. I believe it was a blood worm that somehow got in there when I face planted by the bottom. I guess every 5000th nose full of water, you get a blood worm in there. Convinced it was out, I refocused and got a deeper tube than my entire Bali trip. All the drops were air drops since it jacks so much. I got out just as Chad Barba and Bob Forbes (pro body boarders) showed up. They said "Hi" because I guess they saw my last wave which was insane. (My new Toobs board works great.) I get back to my car and my nose still feels congested. No big deal cuz it always feels like this after a pummeling beach break.
I lean over and blow and things don't seem right. My friend Ernie asks if I am OK. I don't answer. I say let's go. I am headed to Santa Barbara at 80 mph, trying to get the 'congestion' out with my power violence tape cranking in the radio the whole way. I run in the bath room and start blowing my nose. Nothing but snot, that doesn't feel quite right. I am panicking again, sucking wind through an open mouth. Longs Drugs has spray decongestants and is open for another 30 minutes. There is tequila in the kitchen to snort. I have insurance. I blow harder than I ever have and an inch of something drapes down my upper lip. Ellie is hiding in the room, too afraid to watch. I grab this new appendage gingerly and blow like Louie Prima while pulling and trying to maintain my cool. 5 more inches of blood worm come out. My sinuses are surprisingly clear. The exorcism was a success. And yes, for sports enthusiasts and patrons of the arts, I took pictures.
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